


Closer, closer

by AutomatonAmI



Category: The First Fifteen Lives of Harry August - Claire North
Genre: M/M, Song Lyrics, Touch-Starved
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-28
Updated: 2020-05-28
Packaged: 2021-03-02 22:29:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 460
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24424297
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AutomatonAmI/pseuds/AutomatonAmI
Summary: All Harry wanted was a brief touch, a gentle embrace.(A.K.A Harry is touch starved and this is angst)
Relationships: Harry August/Vincent Rankis
Kudos: 4





	Closer, closer

**Author's Note:**

> Song lyrics included: "Closer" by The Tiny

_"Now I'm thinking maybe, I was stoned_  
_I felt my feet lifted off the ground_  
_And my heart was screaming_  
_And my bones_  
_I need you closer"_

* * *

Whenever I met Vincent, it was usually in the context of some ridiculous discussion of hypothetical physics, usually accompanied by some sort of intoxicating beverage. He was always charming in his odd manner of speaking, in his over-the-top nature, in his constant movement. Many times we could spend hours like this, him stomping around the room ranting and me, sat in my usual place, just sitting and studying him.

We spend enough evening like this, enough for me to be able to conjure his image when I close my eyes, every detail, every little quirk of his. He had many. Vincent, just like his work, always seemed to be buzzing, charged with energy. Everything about him would shift with his line of thought - his expression, his hands.

Many times I wished I could calm him down, somehow. Embrace him and absorb all this energy. Maybe I just wanted to hold him close.

* * *

_"As in the middle of the street_  
_Then I pretend he is mine to keep_  
_Cars are running fast on both sides_  
_Of his head, his eyes say_  
_Closer closer closer"_

* * *

I never confronted Vincent about these thoughts, although I always felt an unspoken tension between us. Perhaps I worried that mentioning it would make it disappear, would make Vincent distant and cold. The elephant in a vast, vast room.

* * *

_"I met him when the sun was down_  
_The bar was closed_  
_We both have had no sleep_  
_My face beneath the street lamp_  
_It reveals what it is lonely people seek_  
_Closer closer closer"_

* * *

Growing up an adopted son to distant parents, I was by myself a lot. I lacked the comforting hugs of childhood, the desperate embrace of two people in grief after my mother died. I craved it more than anything in the world, but my father grew more and more distant, and I was left feeling as if my skin was lit on fire, waiting for a soothing touch.

Years and lives later, I met Vincent, my only friend. My nemesis, my love. I wanted to hold him and never let go.

* * *

_"And I am close enough to lose_  
_Close to the point, where you know that your mind, it can not choose_  
_Close enough to lose_  
_Close enough_  
_To lose your heart..."_

* * *

In my fifteenth life, me and Vincent lay together at our deathbed, rotting away from radiation.

I told him to stay with me. I begged, through the suffering, for him to stay by my side.

He took my hand, and I could've cried myself gently to another death to the feeling of the touch.


End file.
